About Running and not Running a Marathon

What can be gained from running a marathon is different to each person. But I suppose everyone who tries has a story to share.

Cologne 2015 – finished 4:24:46

For me, running my first marathon was about challenging myself and breaking my limits. Running 42.195 km seemed like such an impossible task that I had to go beyond what I thought I could do. That was exactly what made it so appealing to me.

Fueled by the atmosphere, I made the common beginner’s mistake and started way too fast. After only 25 km, I was drained and the remaining 17 km became a torture. I had to fight against my mind and my body – beging me to stop – in order to make it from one kilometer marker to the next. Every kilometer felt longer than the previous one and the pain increased until it was almost unbearable.

It was only when I reached the finishing straight, where my family and friends were cheering at me, that I felt a moment of joy and pride before the pain crowded out everything else again for the last steps over the finish line.

I swore to myself to never do this again.

A few hours later, I though that it was very unlikely that I ever do this again. One day later, I though that I probably won‘t do this again. Two days later, I thought: Berlin Marathon 2016!

Berlin 2016 – not started

When I applied for the 2016 Berlin Marathon, I needed to set another ambitious goal. An even greater achievement. To push the boundaries of what I am capable of even further: A marathon in under 4 hours.

Together with my brother, I have trained hard for this goal. I read books about marathons, set up a training schedule and changed my eating habits in the weeks before marathon in oder to be perfectly prepared for the big day.

When I arrived in Berlin, I was ill.

I was devastated – after all the effort I put into the preparation and all the sacrifices I had do make over the previous months. It was a hard decision to stand down and prioritize my health over my ambitions. When I watched my brother start from the audience, I burst into tiers.

But in the end, I learned a lot from that day. I was happy with him, when I stood by the track and cheered my brother on his first marathon and celebrated his achievement together, while being aware of to my own sorrow.

It was a very different kind of pain that this marathon required from me. Nevertheless, it felt like an achievement to get through it, to make peace with the fate and to be proud of my decision to do the right thing and call this one off. There will always be time for a another try.

Berlin 2017 – not started

New year, new attempt. I was not willing to surrender and followed my training schedule for a marathon in under 4 hours. However, I never got really comfortable with the training demands. I found it hard to increase my speed enough for the 4h ambition, while at the same time keeping my heart rate down. But I was sure that I could do it, I just had to train harder. The sessions weren‘t enjoyable but my goal kept me going.

A few days before the marathon, I got ill – again. Again, I had to cancel my start. Again, I had to watch my brother run the Berlin marathon as a spectator. This time, it wasn‘t even painful – I was just depressed.

Berlin was cursed for me. I was ready to give up, if it wasn‘t for my brother who convinced me to run the Frankfurt marathon one month later – no goals, no ambitions, just for fun. I was not sure about letting go of the 4h target, since that was what motivated me through all the painful training sessions, nor about running at all. But it was either to defeat the demons now or to never run a marathon again.

Frankfurt 2017 – finished 4:15:00

It was such an emotional moment when I finally – after two failed attempts – started a marathon again side by side with my brother. Free from the pressure of beating the 4h mark, we set the pace for 4:15 finish and enjoyed the run through my hometown.

Despite the stormy weather, we stick to our pace like on rails. The first 25 km felt like nothing and when we passed the 30 km and then the 35 km mark with no sign of collapse, tears of joy ran down my face when we re-entered the city center. Only when the strong wind blew into our faces, running zig zag between the skyscrapers of Frankfurt, it was the first time I head to fight to keep the pace during the last 3 km. But with the finish line almost in sight, we kept going.

What a moment when we entered the Festhalle for the last few steps of 42.195 km and made it over the finish line after exactly 4:15:00 ….

Only years after that day, I realized that it was probably less the external circumstance but my own mindset which made this run so enjoyable and successful. But I hadn’t learned my lesson quite yet.

Hamburg 2019 – finished 4:32:30

Another attempt to finish a marathon in under 4h on a cold and rainy April day in Hamburg ended after a super painful 4:32h. Wrong shoes, wet clothes, a supercooled body and a too ambitious pace in the first stage of the race seemed like a reasonable explanation for the early breakdown. After only half the distance I had to slow down and grit my teeth for the second half.

However, all the pain and frustration was forgotten the moment I crossed the finish line and only the feeling of achievement was left after those 42km.

Looking back

Running and not running marathons taught me two important lessons, which continue to have a great impact on my life:

1 – You can go beyond what you think you are capable of.

2 – You cannot go beyond what you are actually capable of.

And while those conclusions are contradicting, the experience left me with a very strong feeling of strength and a strong feeling of weakness at the same time.

I ran my best marathon when I stopped trying too hard and when I was relieved from the pressure I put on myself. Only when I was free from my ambition to reach beyond was when I really could reach beyond. When I ignored my limits and pushed too hard against them, my body sent me clear signals and even stopped me. For a long time, I did not really listen and interpreted those signals as unlucky circumstance, searching for explanations outside rather than inside.

On the other hand, it is necessary to move mental and physical boundaries in order to make progress and even to get into a position to finish a marathon. Without leaving my comfort zone, I won‘t have a chance to make it through the marathon preparation or the 42.195 km itself.

To find the right balance is the key – that sweet spot close to your limitations but not beyond. To resist that temptation to avoid the uncomfortable work which is required. Go back to that uncomfortable sweet spot – again and again. Overcome the laziness. But don’t demand more of yourself than you can manage.

This balance is an important factor in every aspect of live. It’s not just about how to run – its about how to live. Whether it’s running a marathon, relationships, work, yoga or anything else. You can only be your best when you are in harmony with yourself and respect your limitations, but also take the effort to work on them – in a respectful and loving way. It starts with awareness. Everything else will follow.